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New Chemical Element Discovered The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered byinvestigators at a major U.S. research university. The element, tentativelynamed administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomicnumber of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic massof 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves thecontinuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can bedetected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with.According to the discoverers, a minute amount of administratium causes onereaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normallyoccurred in less than a second.Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at whichtime it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in whichassistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places.Some studies have shown that the atomic mass actually increases after eachreorganization.Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs naturallyin the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such asgovernment agencies, large corporations, and universities. It can usually befound in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.Scientists point out that administratium is known to be toxic at any level ofconcentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it isallowed to accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine how administratiumcan be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are notpromising.

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